- You don't have to high five down the wedding aisle to go out and have a nice time.
- You won't change him, so if you don't like it, end the relationship.
- You're not comfortable with his porn viewing.
That tells me that he is in the process of trying to recover from being in a relationship with an alcoholic that has caused him so much distress that he joined a support group. Eventually the right person will come along that turns into a long term relationship with ease. If you want a better relationship, match dating nights you'll have to fix yourself first.
Most of these relationships failed and the few that did work, it either was through either a large effort or a small miracle-or both! So, I'm working my steps, going to meetings, reading, counseling, etc. The red flag was waving, height but at the time I was unable to see the forrest from the trees.
Dating another member in the Al-Anon program. If we act from within the self, and not the ego, martyrdom to the cause of a narcissist becomes anathema to us. Thats exactly how I expected to be treated, it's how my family had treated me so I figured thats how my life was going to be. This is a good post to read. Really gave me a totally different perpective on things.
You answered your own question in your share in the first sentence in my eyes. In innocent, non-specific conversation today, my crush said that he would rather not date in the program because of the logistics of meetings we go to some of the same meetings. Alanon showed him how to set boundaries with her and because she continued to cross them, they divorced. You meet a man who is an alaon?
Nothing is wrong with the narcissist and he or she makes it very clear to us that we are the problem. Outcomes can not be forced. Well I just wasn't used to that.
Red flags will be much easier to spot. When you talked to him about how it made you feel he didnt care. It appears she spent years being devalued and discarded and then finally got sick of it, found her strength and decided to move on. Instead they did the best they could with what skill sets they had. He has now joined an online quit group that is absolutely disgusting.
Help and Hope for Families and Friends of Alcoholics
Unfortunately there was no psychiatric help for them back then. The language and the pornographic avatars make me want to puke. And most of those skill sets revolved around drowning out their experiences in alcohol. Not sure if I deserved it. See additional information.
Who Are Al-Anon Members
That philosophy works well with relationships too. We are only as healthy as those we're with. Seeing her again tomorrow night.
I am dating an alanon guru
Continuue your journey and your learning curve. It can work Just keep an open mind and use your alanon tools. Do what you will, but just remember to take care of you. This man is not a piece of clay you cant mold him. Over and over and over again.
Please open the link for dry drunk to read the characteristics. Please log in to post quick replies. When the relationship starts to come before it, both end up getting in a mess. Depending upon your denomination, a pastor may tell you the same thing. That self actualization will draw the right person for you to you.
Al-Anon Electronic Meetings
- Narcissists are fragile shells and to keep their shells intact they abuse before they can be abused.
- While they can, ideally, occur togetherintimacy needs to come before sex in the equasion.
- Unfortunatly some members of this group take good infomation and exploit people with it.
And I almost let him go because he actually treated me well, was kind and generous, he wasn't an A, not into drama etc you get the point. As it turned out, I got even more hurt by the rebound relationship than I did by the marriage, if that's possible. This is part of how I was sick before recovery.
Dating a Personality (Disorder)
You also have a right to not be with him and be with someone who is healthier and more considerate of your needs. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. Being with men that have addictions is not the stuff that happily ever after is made of.
He asked that I move in with him in June. Remember, we are a program of attraction, not promotion. If your idea of someone getting to know you means spilling all your lifetime baggage your in worse shape than you think. And if it happens, it happens.
But, when H and I met there was such a good feeling and such a connection, that I changed my mind. Stopping the meeting portion of these groups was the best thing I ever did for my codependent tendencies. Narcissists have many crossover traits to alcoholism, online hookup sites reviews as well as to Borderline Personality Disorder and Histrionic Personality Disorder.
Home Forum General Support I am dating an alanon guru. As I keep reading recomended books from other Al-anoners and go to more meetings I keep learning so much and growing beyond what I ever imagined. That is when he pulls the whole alanon thing with me and tells me that I should not try to control him and that it is none of my business. My questions are - What are the official recommendations about dating during this process?